I gave this blog so much thought its filled with years of experience, feelings of loss and wins, hurt and deceit yet it was all done for love. As women we go through pain, heartache, and childbirth just to name the few. In today’s society, we are compelled to work full-time jobs while chasing a career and taking care of our kids. All while still feeling wanted, loved and needed. I hate to say this, but we’ve settled, we complain about how men are “emotionally unavailable, men cheat, this a side chick era”, but the reality is, it’s our fault! It’s our fault because we settle. We settle to have the temporary feeling of attention, we settle to feel wanted during a temporary moment, we’ve replaced true love with likes & lust. It’s easy now to “move on to the next” because everyone is so accessible. Human interaction has been replaced with a DM.

As women we want to feel loved and have security, we hate to be alone and we are terrified of being single for long periods of time, I mean how can we not, we are naturally emotional creatures, we were placed on earth to love and nurture; but I’m going to fill you in on a little secret. There are some men in the world that will prey on that component. They know you’re scared of being alone, they know you have this urge to love and nurture, & they prey on it. They give you just enough to keep you around, keep you enticed, just so they can take as much energy as possible to fulfill their needs and their wants. I’ve seen it happen so many times.

We call those men “FUCKBOYS” who whisper sweet little nothings in your ear, tell you everything you want to hear, he doesn’t want a relationship, but he wants the relations, he doesn’t want the commitment, but he wants the company. So many years I had my mind focused on marriage. I chased relationships for years, when they already ended within the first few months & as I sit here and TRUTHFULLY write this blog, I did it because I didn’t want to be lonely, I did it because I didn’t want to start over & I used to get angry at these men, until I started realizing the power of my *****. Ladies, it’s okay to say no, it’s okay to have YOUR OWN TERMS. Energy & time is so precious. Especially for a woman like me who is so career driven and understands the true essence of spending every single moment with my children. Just think, the time & energy you’re giving to someone else you could be working on that project, hitting the gym, or even reading a book. The best investment is yourself.

By any means am I not bashing anyone, because I know in my heart there are some good men out there. Who are willing to grow and learn with you, but trust me when I say you would know who the right one is. Something so good does not need to be so complicated. Sometimes men need work, they need a woman to guide them and support them & give them love. The importance of this is giving that to a man who deserves it, does he protect you? Will hurting you, hurt him? If he had to choose, would he choose you or him? Does he sacrifice? Does he communicate? Is he emotionally available to you?

The point I’m trying to make here is that we need to stop complaining about fuckboy tendencies because we ourselves contribute to it, by continuing to settle and engage in relations that in the long run make us unhappy but we go with it for a momentary feeling, we go along with it to occupy time, as a filler. Whole time we only hurting ourselves because at that time we are investing in the fuckboy we could be investing in a real one. Just keep in mind what you won’t settle with, someone else will. So, let him be someone’s else headache sis.

It’s okay to be alone, it’s okay to learn yourself, it’s okay to take yourself out on a date. If we truly are tired of the behavior, we have to start being honest with ourselves and start setting a standard, it’s the only way. #Morelife